Twenty Children and six adults dead. But in none of the counts listed in any article I have read is there any reference to including Adam's MOTHER in the COUNT of those shot and killed. No, she was not shot at the school. But she was a victim, and she was killed at the hand of the same person who shot all of the other victims. Where is her former husband or her other son in speaking out about Liza? Speaking and giving voice to what she desperately tried to do for her mentally ill son? What about their own concerns that he was a ticking time bomb, or that they too were afraid of what he might do? Nothing. Liza has no one speaking for her. Except to condemn her for going shooting with her son. Do I agree with her choice? No. But I was not in her shoes. Maybe she did it so she could learn to defend herself from him. Maybe she did it so she would know who he was in contact with, or what he was doing all of those hours he was at a shooting range. We simply do not know and no one is speaking for Liza. Shame on her son who is alive. He may have hated her for loving his mentally ill brother. He may have blamed her for "coddling" him. He may have hated his own childhood because of how his mentally ill brother dominated the family demands.
I hope and pray that if my mentally ill son should take my life, that my children - I know their father will be gutless when it comes to speaking in my defense of my love and care and fight to get my son help - will speak about me. Until you walk in each mother's shoes who care for the mentally ill - you have no voice. You are clueless as to what it takes, how exhausting the fight for compliance, for opportunities, for care, for help, etc. No one has ever volunteered to help me or my son. You have no idea how alone I feel in this world.
So today I speak for Liza, a victim for 20 years due to her son's mental illness. It destroyed her life, not just in death - but while she was alive as well. It prevented her from having other relationships that were meaningful, it prevented her from having deep friendships where the friend truly cared about the depth of her own misery and fear. It impacted her ability to be happy. Happiness is stolen from the mother's of mentally ill children. And unlike other life long diseases that our children might have, this disease carries with it no neighborhood fundraisers, no work donated vacation to have a break, no family help to allow you to have a vacation without fear, the list goes on. No one says, "I'm so sorry that your son is so desperately ill." No one says, "I wish they would find a cure for mental illness", like they do for every other disease. The worst problem with mental illness is that is carries with it no "visible signs" - there is no cast on the arm, no IV's or tubes, or oxygen tanks, or hospital bed set up in the home. There are no hospital stays where flowers are sent, and friends come and sit by your side and hold your hand, or visit the son who is hospitalized. There are no meals sent in by the church you have supported for decades. There are no meals sent in by neighbors. No - instead you are isolated even further, shunned far worse than any person could possibly imagine.
